Go ahead, You told me so....

Today is Thanksgiving. I was told this on the phone by my mom a couple hours earlier. Her calls have become less frequent and her voice a little less frantic and anxious. I don’t blame her at all. Today is my fourth day being shut off from the world and to be honest something I have come to realize is that it is the world that poses the stronger threat to me than my illness posing a danger to it. Sweet Hermana Keta brought me a plate of food, being careful not to cross the threshold she called out my name softly. I was on the verge of my endless trancelike sleep when suddenly the twisted pronunciation of my name Brewk broke into my blurred thoughts and interrupted my pending dreams. I shifted over on my side and my eyes traced the Spanish to the door and my hazy vision fixated on the plate covered by a napkin. In the next moment I was up on my feet headed ever cautiously to the door with my hands already out in great expectation of the gift I was about to receive. But something ever more precious than the gift of food that I just been handed was the gift of her counsel that she left me mentally chewing on as she walked away. She told me that sometimes God stops us and puts us into situations where we have no other choice but to be still and in that stillness He pulls us closer to Himself. She lovingly encouraged me and told me that they were praying for me in my forced stillness and quietness.

So what happened to me? Let’s start on Sunday. Everything seemed like a normal Sunday. I went to my beloved church, la Cumbre, and the service lasted almost two hours. Nothing peculiar there… Then we ate tacos and snacks and fellowshipped outside for the next 40 minutes… Once again, normal Sunday…. Then we made our way back to the school, looking forward to the 2:30 lunch because one of the professor’s wives makes lunch every Sunday so you knew you were going to get something good. And they served Mole (special chocolate sauce that you pour over your meat) which at one time I detested but now at the mere mention of this Mexican dish my mouth waters. So the perfect Mayberry Sunday continued as the students and I sat down, sang a song praise, prayed over meal, and dug in our food. However clouds formed and thunder rolled on the perfect Mayberry Sunday as we were washing the dishes from our meal. Pain started abruptly in the temples of my head leaving me dizzy and complaining of a major headache. Luis bought me a coke with the hopes that all I needed was a shot of that good ole caffeine. And with a cold coke in hand, I had to excuse myself to go lie down. I climbed up on the top bunk and went to sleep despite the light of the sun shining through my window and I awoke to pure darkness for I had slept until the beginning of night. My head still hurt so I crossed out the need for caffeine and tried some Advil and went to scoundrel up some food. Ten minutes later, I found myself in my pastor’s house, seated at their table, eating Oreos, and watching their fourteen year old son make me a sandwich. And I don’t have to go into details in how that conspired but it was a wonderful sandwich and I have you know (especially those readers who took Latin American culture with me in college) that not all Mexican males are macho and this is a perfect example. So anyways with a belly full, I made a few calls home and then went back to my room and little did I know that approaching was a night which would be in the top five worst of my life. My headache had gotten steady worse so I was looking forward to sleeping it off and I first went to sleep pretty easily that night. But I have no idea what time it was but I woke up sweating and trembling at the same time. My body was so hot, I felt like a fire was consuming me. I threw off my blankets in a fury and clung to my pillow praying for relief. I felt so bad and I couldn’t go back to sleep after that. My head was burning. Oh, was my head ever burning! Only God knows how long I was awake that night but it seemed like the dawn would never come and sleep could not find me.

However, when dawn did come sleep found me but only for a little while. I woke up at nine with that residing pain that inhabited itself so comfortably in my head now but a new sharp ache in my chest accompanied it leaving me bewildered and wounded. I got up and did some things that morning only to come back to my room defeated from this enemy within body. Jackie found me curled up, hands cradling my head, in my bed at 12:00 and convinced me that it was serious and it was past time to go talk to Dan about what I was feeling. We walked to his office together and I went in and told him everything that was going on and much to my dismay he said that they were going to take me to the doctor this instant. And later I would thank God like I have done on many other occasions for Dan’s discernment especially regarding this decision. So Hermana Mary took me to see the spicy Doctora Rocio. Now I love Doctora Rocio. She always helps when the American teams are here; we had worked side by side just this past weekend with the eye doctors. She is witty, intelligent, and simply put a beautiful person. We went to her office and sat patiently in the waiting room. Well Hermana Mary waited patiently; I waited in ever increasing pain. I tried to distract myself by watching the TV screen, which was smaller than a cereal box, but it was just the news covering the flu epidemic. I wondered if nothing else had happened overnight in the country of Mexico as time ticked and they still went on about this crazy influenza. It’s humorous to me now that the thought never occurred to me at this point that I could be the very next statistical number to the outbreak of the flu in Veracruz. Not once did this cross my mind. Not once… Yes, I know the flu got passed around sorority row during Rush and many LSU students came down with it but nobody here has gotten it. The only people I knew who had were in the States. So it never crossed my mind but those were the first words that came out of Dr. Rocio’s mouth after she listened to my symptoms. “¡Brewk, tienes la influenza!” Then she had to convince me that she was not kidding. We took a chest x-ray and it was incredible how much mucus had already infiltrated my lungs in less than 24 hours. Dr. Rocio then sat me down and explained the seriousness of my problem. She told me that this problem in my lungs is the exact complication from the flu that people die from and she also explained to me that with the progression of mucus in my lungs and without having treatment after seventy-two hours only God knows if I would have still been breathing. From that moment we treated my illness vigorously with a shot, antibiotics, tamiflu, and some pain meds to help with my fever. And I have been secluded to my room ever since. But it is not so bad. I have had plenty of time to think, pray, watch movies, work on a scrapbook, and listen to my music and podcasts. And now I feel better and refreshed. God is taking care of me here in Mexico. God is ever faithful and I thank Him for stopping me and keeping me to Himself for awhile.

La niña de tus ojos- The Conference

“Often when we thrill to the realization of a call from God, we picture going from our faces to our feet as He increasingly elevates our position. The reverse, however, is often truer in the earthly realm.” Beth Moore. During the process of preparing for this conference this quote rang true in every way as I was brought to my knees seeking God’s help not only with what I was going to say but also how I was going to say it. If you have met me then it’s a good chance that you know that I am not the most confident in my Spanish. It literally has been a continuous fight to learn this language and the majority of days I still feel pinned to the mat, overpowered by a stronger adversary with a flexible rolling tongue. Once again Beth Moore also states in her Esther study, “God isn’t interested in our stellar performance but in our hearts. He loves our willingness and obedience despite our insecurities.” Well I just finished my 8 week Beth Moore Study and those were two of my favorite quotes from the book because they hit home for me… And I don’t think it was a coincidence that I finished my study on the life of Esther right before the conference. Let’s just say Esther had to do something really scary to save lives. And although I am not a Jew and I don’t expect genocide here in Mexico, I honestly see what I had to do as something scary and also as something to save lives. Around eighty girls came from all over the state of Veracruz and also some from out of state to this young women’s conference. When the time came for me to give the first section, peace washed over me and I was reminded of Jeremiah when he said he had to speak the truth because his bones felt as if they were on fire. So I got up there. I got up there in front of eighty girls. All eyes were on me as I set up my laptop with the PowerPoint. And then I took a deep breath and walked out from behind the stand and started…..

I started with a story that any girl could relate to, a story of a broken heart, more specifically a story of my broken heart. Let me tell you the way I saw it; I had many boundaries between me and these girls and I had to break them down in order to get through to them. First off, my mere appearance could be a boundary although I prayed that my nationality would bring intrigue instead being an obstacle. I was aware that preconceived notions would inevitably come along with seeing my white skin and blue eyes. And with my introduction I was determined to break down this possible barrier. Peel back the skin, be vulnerable, and let them see my heart was my objective. Because like I said at the end of my introduction, it doesn’t matter what country you are from all females have the same basic desires and needs. After breaking down this obstacle, I was determined to put myself on their level and I tried this by salting my speech with Mexican slang words and also by making a joke about feeling more Jarocha (not just Mexican but a Mexican girl from Veracruz) than American sometimes. I think this proved effective because I had some students later mention to me that they loved the fact that I talked their talk, not just Spanish but their Spanish. Anyway, these are just things I prepared for but it was God who worked and did He ever work! I could feel the girls following my words as I watched their chocolate colored eyes move as I moved across the stage. I believe their eyes followed my movements in the same way as their hearts followed my words. It is an incredible feeling to be still before God and just let Him work through you. In fact, it is addicting. At the end of the second section, I didn’t want to step down because I was afraid that I would never feel the power and presence of God so close to me again. I didn’t want the fire that had been so mysterious lit and the sensation of my burning heart to go out or grow cold. But my job had been done. The Word of God had been preached. My points? You are a girl created by God and for God. You are a girl with real needs and longings that only Jesus can fulfill. And you are a girl completely lost without Jesus Christ. I wanted it to be simple and clear. Thank you for your prayers. Your prayers were answered. God did a mighty work. Many came up to me, some on the verge of tears, telling me that God spoke straight to their hearts and touched their lives. At the end Anita asked the girls who had never been to a church or a church event before to raise their hands. Around fifteen girls raised their hands. That is awesome! Some students even came up to me, telling me that they didn’t expect to learn anything but to their surprise God opened their eyes to some unforeseen things in their hearts and lives. Thank you for your prayers. I honestly can’t thank you enough for your prayers for my ministry. The power of your interceding to God on my behalf is what sustained me and empowered me during the conference. I am believing God that lives were touched and forever impacted by my obedience, your prayers, and His Word.