Last night I felt the hand of God. You know, sweet reader, it has taken me my whole life to learn how to receive love. In my 22 years, I have always been so willing and eager to give love but I have always struggled to accept it from others. The fight has been a hard one because I feel like the following ridiculous thought “I help you, you don’t help me” has been programmed into my mind since my birth. This has caused much pain and loneliness over the years as I resisted opening up and letting others see my needs and hurts. Finally last year I realized that the root of this was my perception of my self-worth. I felt unworthy of love from others and I have been going through a process of healing by letting go of misconceptions of whom I am and letting God love me through others.
So this week has been a very demanding week because I have been waking up at 7:00 and going out to a different village each day with medical teams and then coming back around 8:00 or 9:00 in the night. Not to mention this past Sunday my legs were attacked by mosquitoes during an outside church service. Last night my physcial discomfort caused by my legs echoed the emotional pain I was feeling deep inside. Things weren’t going as planned and let’s just say that I was really experiencing the effects of the Fall of Man. My feet were never meant to be pierced by thorns. So after cleaning up from dinner and helping with some simple translations, I made my way upstairs to the dorm, defeated from the pressures of the day and from my aching itchy legs. To my left, I passed by my best friend Deborah (a third year student) who was studying on the couch outside our dorm. The life of the students at MITC is very demanding and especially with this week being the week of finals. Not only did Debe have the stress of major exams but she also had kitchen duty this particular week, meaning she had to wake up at 5:00 in the morning to help in the kitchen. I could tell by the look on her face that she was exhausted so I asked her how much she had left to study and she told me that she wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight. She had only answered 6 of 23 loaded theological questions. Before I left her side, she asked me how I was and her eyes left mine as she followed my fingers to my leg which was covered with bites. She then scolded me for not putting on repellent but told me that she was going to give me some medicine later. I so badly wanted to open up to her about my problems but knew that I couldn’t put anything else on her shoulders so I retreated to suffer in my bed alone.
Thirty minutes later and with dried tears I was on the verge of falling into a deep sleep when I felt the covers slip off my legs only to feel the sensation of oil being poured onto my sore and itchy legs. My initial reaction was to jerk up and as I started to lift myself up I felt a hand on my back pushing me back down and I heard Jesus whisper in my ear, "Let me love you, Brooke." Then for the next half hour, my friend, who was dead tired from being up since 5:00 and who had a final exam the next day, rubbed my aching calf muscles and put medicine on my bug bites. God sweetly ministered to my soul through her selfless act of unconditionally and tirelessly loving me. Simply put, I felt the hand of God. The truth is my feet were not meant to have thorns in them. Your feet were not meant to have thorns in them either. But the reality is that we have all sinned and have asked for this world. But there is sweet redemption in Christ Jesus. Have you tasted His sweet redemption? How have you experienced the hand of God today?
So this week has been a very demanding week because I have been waking up at 7:00 and going out to a different village each day with medical teams and then coming back around 8:00 or 9:00 in the night. Not to mention this past Sunday my legs were attacked by mosquitoes during an outside church service. Last night my physcial discomfort caused by my legs echoed the emotional pain I was feeling deep inside. Things weren’t going as planned and let’s just say that I was really experiencing the effects of the Fall of Man. My feet were never meant to be pierced by thorns. So after cleaning up from dinner and helping with some simple translations, I made my way upstairs to the dorm, defeated from the pressures of the day and from my aching itchy legs. To my left, I passed by my best friend Deborah (a third year student) who was studying on the couch outside our dorm. The life of the students at MITC is very demanding and especially with this week being the week of finals. Not only did Debe have the stress of major exams but she also had kitchen duty this particular week, meaning she had to wake up at 5:00 in the morning to help in the kitchen. I could tell by the look on her face that she was exhausted so I asked her how much she had left to study and she told me that she wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight. She had only answered 6 of 23 loaded theological questions. Before I left her side, she asked me how I was and her eyes left mine as she followed my fingers to my leg which was covered with bites. She then scolded me for not putting on repellent but told me that she was going to give me some medicine later. I so badly wanted to open up to her about my problems but knew that I couldn’t put anything else on her shoulders so I retreated to suffer in my bed alone.
Thirty minutes later and with dried tears I was on the verge of falling into a deep sleep when I felt the covers slip off my legs only to feel the sensation of oil being poured onto my sore and itchy legs. My initial reaction was to jerk up and as I started to lift myself up I felt a hand on my back pushing me back down and I heard Jesus whisper in my ear, "Let me love you, Brooke." Then for the next half hour, my friend, who was dead tired from being up since 5:00 and who had a final exam the next day, rubbed my aching calf muscles and put medicine on my bug bites. God sweetly ministered to my soul through her selfless act of unconditionally and tirelessly loving me. Simply put, I felt the hand of God. The truth is my feet were not meant to have thorns in them. Your feet were not meant to have thorns in them either. But the reality is that we have all sinned and have asked for this world. But there is sweet redemption in Christ Jesus. Have you tasted His sweet redemption? How have you experienced the hand of God today?
*reference to thorns: 2 Corinthians 12:1-10
WOW I am just speechless in your beautiful writtings! The awesome power of God in your life! People that have not been to MITC really cannot believe the power of God that is there and that his love just shines thru his people there. They have this desire to love and to serve with there whole heart. It is truly amazing. To share my heart I find myself looking for that here and it just isn't here. I so miss it there! I know easy for me to say as I am surrounded by my family, friends and church family. In your tender quiet moments feel our love and most importantly Gods love. You are not alone in your journey! God has so richly blessed you in your young life for this time and your service!
ResponderEliminarI'm sending you a BIG hug from Florida!
Debbie Boyer Florida team member!
can't wait for the next post!